A Man Walks Into a Bar

I can’t get off the sofa. I barely want to leave the house. Last night I went for a pint with And. It helped being out of the house but I couldn’t speak most of the time. I feel so boring right now. I have an appointment with the community psychiatric service early next month. I wish I could make you see what this is like. I look fine, nothing is bleeding, nothing is dropping off. I’m ok, I keep saying I’m ok but I feel just a bit nothing. I don’t have the words to fully explain it, my brain doesn’t work as fast as it usually would and I cannot find anything to say about much of anything I’m just waiting for it to pass and it will.

Thanks for asking about me, I know it’s unusual for me to have nothing to say.

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16 Comments on “A Man Walks Into a Bar”

  1. Andy Says:

    When the problem is all in your head you find yourself craving some kind of physical ailment just ‘to prove’ to people that you aren’t well and are legitimately deserving of their help and sympathy. It’s easy to feel like a fake, or to think that other people do, when you’re otherwise perfectly well.

    Awareness and understanding of mental health problems seems to be getting better all the time but it’s still an uncomfortable subject for many. I’ve even found it difficult writing this. You’re very brave indeed to bare so much more in public. All power to you!

    Take care, the help and sympathy IS there πŸ™‚

    And(y)

  2. Redbike Says:

    I know that feeling. Took me years to get over it.
    You’ve got my sympathy. xx

  3. Redbike Says:

    I know how it WAS.
    Although it might feel like this ‘nothing’ will last forever the darkness will pass.

  4. andrea Says:

    You’ll be alright Missus, keep up with all the activities, that’ll help lots. And remember you have a lot to be proud of yourself for.
    You’re such a vibrant gregarious lass most of the time that the lulls probably feel like geet big massive troughs in comparison to your ‘norm’.
    I’ve battled on and off for years with that nothingness feeling and have learnt to stamp it out with activity and positive thinking.
    You’ve got a great social network there and that’s invaluable at times like this.
    But most of all you’ve got a massive amount of inner strength and determination and insight to know how to deal with this.
    Hug x


  5. Keep on getting out to those places with the made up names, girl. Don’t ignore it, but pretend to and it will go away eventually.

    That approach works for me with troublesome colleagues. Most of the time.

  6. lost Says:

    Like Red, I too have been there, so we know how you’re feeling.

    The dark times will pass. It may take a while. The help of the community psychiatric unit and support from those around you will make it a touch more bearable.

    Don’t worry about the silent moments, we understand and are thinking positive thoughts for you x

    • notthewowy Says:

      They always pass, if they didn’t I would. I mean that in a positive way. I often say to friends, “you’ll get through this, I mean, what’s the alternative?”

  7. trio25 Says:

    Thanks for sharing, I’m sure its not just me it helps. I think I have got used to the fact that depression is not something that will just go away, I just need to pick up the signs earlier. We are lucky though we have something as amazing as cycling!

    • notthewowy Says:

      I’m not entirely certain you can pick up the signs every time. Sometimes I see it coming sometimes I don’t. I’m feeling much better now, the rest and time at home has helped.

      • trio25 Says:

        True, but when I don’t my OH often does. I have to learn not to get annoyed and understand its because she cares!

        Glad rest and time at home helps. I have certain triggers and a big one is lack of sleep so I can’t let that be an option!

        Hope the only 100miles of riding is going well, I couldn’t do it!

  8. trio25 Says:

    That’s what I mean I would struggle to get down to 100 most weeks. πŸ˜‰ I supose if I didn’t commute by bike, but I don’t fancy the alternative.


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