My Heart Aches

Talking about the things you see when you’re out and about. I mentioned seeing someone whose hip fat carried on moving long after they’d stepped and it broke my heart. I’m struck by the conflict of it all both in my head and my heart.

Rather like a militant ex smoker ( I am an ex smoker just not that militant ) I find myself almost hating fat people. I guess because I see myself in them, see the things I never liked about myself, the things I hated about my life. But it also breaks my heart because I know better than most that no matter what you say it isn’t fine. There’s nothing happy about your thighs rubbing together till they chafe or having to pay over the odds for extra wide knee length boots or climbing the stairs like it was everest or type 2 diabetes Or shopping in “fat” shops while your friends are in monsoon or being put off during those intimate moments cos your belly’s slapping your knees.

On the other hand I know how long I lived like that myself, know how much of an insurmountable beast it is. I know how stealthily it creeps up on you convincing you that you can do something about it tomorrow;That you’re happy and that you love yourself.

Of course I also know lots of people think I’m a bit mental for obsessing over exercise and especially the cycling but it makes me happy, puts a spring in my step and it’s opening doors to new activities. Things that I wouldn’t have thought about when I was a sofa dweller. It’s filled my life. I know I’m still a big girl even if I am pretty fit. I know I’m struggling to get my weight down. Maybe I feel that way because I believe someday I’ll be like that again, that this is temporary.

These things are just my feelings and my opinions and I can’t speak for anyone else. I could be wrong. Either way it was hard to press the publish button.

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28 Comments on “My Heart Aches”

  1. Dave Telling Says:

    Good post ๐Ÿ™‚

    Don’t worry about the cycling being temporary, I find it as addictive as the cigarettes that once ruled me ๐Ÿ˜‰ BTW you don’t have to be fat to be unhappy – just sayin’

    • Wowy Says:

      It is addictive. It concerns me sometimes that I may have switched one addiction for another. But then i think so what. I think now I’m happy because I go out and I do fun things because I deserve to. You know? I’m living for me and the people I love benefit from it too ๐Ÿ˜€

      • JobySp Says:

        you’ve switched an unhealthy addiction with a healthy addiction – nowt wrong with this.

        I have to say that this:
        “or being put off during those intimate moments cos your bellyโ€™s slapping your knees. ”

        really really really made me laugh out loud!

  2. JobySp Says:


    Have my trousers fallen down?

    No, they’re up! I can see they’re up!

    Oh, I see your point!

  3. JobySp Says:

    Your next quote should have been:

    Why? Have my trousers fallen down?

    To which I would have replied:

    Help! Rich! We’re stuck in a sort of nob gag Bermuda Triangle!

    To which you would have replied:

    Quick! Change routine! Change routine!

    Anyway – Hooligans Island is awesome – love Bottom full stop!!! Seen em live… My favourite ever quote is:

    “ooooh look….. knackers”


  4. John Berry Says:

    I thought I was the only ex lardy smoker addicted to cycling around here?

    Yep I also look at fat lazy people with the same disdain that you do… then I feel pity…

    People have to learn for themselves the same way that we did!

    BTW how do you people find the time to watch TV????? I am either working, cycling, blogging or sleeping!!!

    Thank god I am on Holiday next week when I can drop the working from the equation ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. PhilR Says:

    Getting back on the more serious topic ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I’m generally not happy with my shape/size, I was 10st wet through when I got married but just a year or maybe 2 before starting as a postie I was 17st3lb, that was when I got on the bike the first time, got down to 15st10lb as I started the job and progressively dropped with the job down to the 14st(ish) I hover around now, depending on how many times I’ve been visited by my good friends Ben&Jerry ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Decided as from next week I’m cutting back (not out, just back) my alcohol and B&J treats and urging myself to get out on the bike after work, that’s the bit that, even though I love it, will be the hardest.

  6. JobySp Says:

    Phil, I was the same size and very unhealthy -and am now 12 stone and fit as a fiddle.

    Perseverance is the only answer ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Wowy Says:

      yeah but you burn all of those extra calories with rage and profanity ๐Ÿ˜›

    • PhilR Says:

      Not so much perseverance as motivation, days off I can get out and cycle, I just find it difficult to motivate myself after work, I’d prefer to do (and I do) bugger all.

  7. JobySp Says:

    Your not alone!

    I’ve cycled just 5 times this month ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  8. PhilR Says:

    Still 2 times more than me lol

  9. Wow, your head has the same arguments as me…

  10. trio25 Says:

    “or having to pay over the odds for extra wide knee length boots”

    I have to wear extra wide knee length boots, I was so pleased when I found some. It’s muscles that do it!

    • Wowy Says:

      Lol, my legs are a lot smaller and a lot more muscly oddly. I’ve also stopped having to buy shoes 2 sizes too long to accomodate my fat feet ๐Ÿ˜€

  11. Toby Field Says:

    I must admit that when I see ‘fat’ people on telly and in the street I think to myself, “look at the state of him/her”. At that point I don’t consider myself fat, or as fat as them. The truth is, I am and have been for a long time.

    To get motivated enough to make a change is difficult. Most people are fairly intelligent to know they need to eat less and exercise more. Doing it and sticking to it is another matter. Diet alone is no enough and that’s been my downfall in the past. Becoming addicted to a form of exercise, which is also a form of transport is a real bonus.

    Blogging about the ups and down and finding a support network is the key. Many people won’t find what we have. The only gap for me is finding a regular riding partner(s).

    • Wowy Says:

      Yup. Yup and yup. Though I really do enjoy riding alone. The Saturday social rides are the best part of my week. I’m lucky to have all of these support mechanisms. I hope it helps me now.

  12. PhilR Says:

    I don’t mind riding alone but I love riding with others. Not managed to make a social ride yet, one day maybe. ๐Ÿ™‚

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